30 under 30

I’m starting this note from March. That’s a big change compared to the early 20s. I now try to think of system that makes things work over a long haul e.g. create a note, having it synced across devices, add things whenever something comes to mind, as opposed to trying to squeeze out 30 things at a time the night before my birthday.

I realize that so far in my life, I don’t really have any major regrets. Not like the way my parents used to say: if we did this, we would be living better now. For this I feel truly lucky.

In the same vein, I believe more and more that there is no good old time. The time we live in, despite the persisting human flaws, is the best one yet.

There seems to be an inherent trade-off between power and responsibility. This thought came as I consider between academia (where I have a lot of responsibility, but also it’s fun and engaging to have authority over what I want to study) vs. industry (where I am given a goal and clear rewards for reaching that goal, less sleepless night wondering what the hell I’m doing, but also less authority to decide what the hell I’m doing). At each stage in life, I think we just have to try our best to find the right balance between these two tradeoffs.

People should be judged not by their weakest moment but their decision in the face of a second chance. (from Ted Lasso)

From Ted Lasso again: “Be curious, not judgmental”. It’s so easy to go around judging others, and so much harder to have the humility to wonder why they are the way they are. This I will live by for the rest of my life.

If you can, come see the Colorado mountains at least once. I’ve finally checked off Maroon Bells (and wild flowers around the area) this year, and it was as pretty as rumored.

One time when I was a child, I didn’t want to go take a shower despite my mom’s insistence. For no apparent reason, I just slumped on the ground and cried, quietly but persistently. My mom kept asking me why I was crying, only to be met with a sobbing silence. After a while, she just sat down next to me and cried. Growing up is revisiting that moment, all out of the blue, and feeling so much empathy for my mom. Now that I’m also always tired with life worries and work and a million things, I realized how hard adult life is, and harder when you’re responsible for other temperamental beings.

I’m almost 30. I’m not scared of the number, but I am starting to be scared of my body growing old. Things break more frequently, and take more time to mend.

I was never really afraid of death (dunno why) until recently when I realize how much I want to live.

One pathway to psychological stability is honing your internal locus of judgement. At one point, you realize people have opinions and very few are carefully formed, especially on things that they don’t have any stake in (for example, people can have very strong, careless opinions about you!). So take these opinions with a very critical mind: ask whether they are true, whether they came from kindness or malice, and how they can be useful for you. That’s the secret to ridding yourself of anxiety, self pity, and lack of confidence.

Expect more of yourself and less of others. You’re psychologically wired to do the opposite (the adaptive “superiority illusion”), so this takes conscious effort to practice. Why? Life is just easier with this mindset. Expect more of what you can control, and less of what you cannot.

Though impact matters more than intention, when someone has good intention, take it. It helps you focus on the positives of life. (In other words: “why should you assume the best out of people? it’s for your own good)

Learn to forgive, first others, then yourself.

As early as you can, practice a solution-oriented mindset. In any difficult situation, think not what is bad, but what can be better.

This does not mean you should ignore the bad feelings. They are there and they are real. Feelings need to be acknowledged, but thinking your way out of a situation can also be trained.

It’s never too late to revisit the classics. Harry Potter is such a masterpiece and I was not a moment too late - now was the perfect time for me to read it.

If you don’t have enough time to do all you’d like to, it’s going well. This needs to be reminded often.

I realize my favorite concerts are smaller ones, from performers who surely benefit from the ticket sale, but enjoy it so much they would perform anyways. Shoutout to Couch, would go watch them as many times as I could.

Passion is such a rare and precious thing. Humans are moved by emotions, and passion is one of the strongest, most moving kind out there.

I got reminded of this when watching the documentary The UWC Spirit. The quote towards the end describes what it is very well: “I think what we need is to come alive, do what makes you come alive and when [you do] there’s a spark and you can end up sparking those around you, and I think that’s what UWC does”

More and more, I appreciate people who can see the rainbow in the rain. Being overly positive makes you prone to being underprepared (e.g. being constantly late by having unrealistically positive estimate of how much time it would take). Yet life is hard enough without all the kill-joys. I’d take a positive, can-do, solution-oriented friend any day.

Possitivity, again, is a muscle that can be trained.

Speaking of muscle, protein is just so important in your diet. Make sure you get that 60 g or something (depending on your weight) a day.

Use everything - and I do mean everything - covered by your health insurance. I’ve always maintained a pretty healthy, balanced diet, except for protein. This knowledge (and new good habits) thanks to my nutritionist will have compound interest on my health forever.

That said, learn to treat doctors as consultants, not CEO. You are the CEO of your body, who reaps the direct benefits and consequences of its state. Take charge of your health. Never apologize for asking too many questions. Definitely ask the silly ones, because it’s better to get it straightened out earlier than later. If a doctor gives you their expert opinion, and you have any doubt, seek another opinion - again, they know a lot, but they are consultants, not judges!

There was a period of time when I found on the internet a category of people that I thought described me: a hypersensitive person (I then lacked the scientific mind to see how unscientific such a term is). This self-diagnosis made me so miserable. It felt like I was born flawed, and I could do nothing about it. I was thankfully smart enough to talk to a trusted teacher at UWC about this. She told me something simple that changed my whole life around: like a muscle, no matter how I was, I could train to be better at whatever I’d like to be.The years in my age just prove this time and time again.If you ever consider yourself an educator, how could you think any other way? What’s the point of being a learner, or a teacher, if you don’t believe in change?

The journey to the Scriptures wasn’t easy If it were easy, it wouldn’t be worth a story It has become my Ph.D. motto.

80% of success is showing up - Woody Allen.